


the only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you

by Lios



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Brief mentions of homophobic history, Disability, Drunkenness, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Really bad science chat-up lines, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:10:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1913970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lios/pseuds/Lios
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Mmm, who knows, when it’s yours and Charles’ turn to be married we might be able to wrangle up some very distant relatives."</p><p>“Raven, you are aware that what you are suggesting is currently illegal in this fine democracy and indeed most others. Why you would even suggest such a crude thing, I have no idea.”</p><p>Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr are just friends. Until they aren't anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm noticing a theme in my own works posted so far... All have a tag for character death and all are named for/inspired by songs. The death in this is not very noticeable but I felt obliged to tag it anyway. Story title is from my favourite artist (and home boy) Hozier's beautiful song, "Take me to Church". It's only one of many stunning songs but the one doing the best so far worldwide. It has a super powerful message and video so check it out. Hozier writes better lyrics than anyone. <3 
> 
> "My church offers no absolution  
> She tells me worship in the bedroom  
> The only heaven I'll be sent to  
> Is when I'm alone with you  
> I was born sick, but I love it  
> Command me to be well,  
> Amen."

They sat together, chair facing the impromptu dance floor that had sprung up among all the tables on the lawn. She wore his suit jacket having picked it up from its resting place on the back of his chair and in between her lips she held his cigarette. Red lips moved as she inhaled deeply before she plucked the thing out of her mouth and tossed it back to him casually. He caught it with a curse before shoving it back into his own mouth.

“ _Husband dear_ will taste the smoke on your lips, _darling_.”

“Oh, I know,” she replied, running her hands down the skirts of her white gown to smooth imaginary creases. “But these are exceptional circumstances after all. If I have to deal with his great aunt Jemima or any other of his ridiculously named relatives again I will go mad. Well, mad- _er_.”

“Yes, you previously qualified as mad when you agreed to marry McCoy.”

She levelled him with her completely unimpressed look. “Must you be so mean to him, Erik?”

“I think you’ll find that being so is my sole purpose in life.”

Her manicured eyebrows rose at that. “No, _I_ think you’ll find your so called _sole purpose_ over there, being a dear and charming Hank’s mother.”

He followed the swing of her head to see her brother who was indeed chatting away to the mother of the groom. Blue eyes sparkled and arms flew everywhere as the conversation continued. Erik found himself to be smiling at the display, something Raven pointed out literally by jabbing him in the face with a spoon she’d grabbed from the table behind them.

“Thank God it’s only the two of you. I don’t think I could handle a hoard of Xaviers.”

“Mmm, who knows, when it’s yours and Charles’ turn to be married we might be able to wrangle up some very distant relatives.”

“Raven, you are aware that what you are suggesting is currently illegal in this fine democracy and indeed most others. Why you would even suggest such a crude thing, I have no idea.”

“It won’t always be, though. The world changes. One day people will go out and march for the right to love whoever they want, you mark my words. Even sheep eventually get sick of their own shit and move on to greener fields.”

“How philosophical of you, but it may upset you to know that Charles and I are merely friends.”

“That’s fine. Hank and I are best friends too.”

He rolled his eyes, glancing back to the goofy grin that covered Raven’s face. “You’re an idiot.”

“Thanks, I’ve learnt from the best.”

* * *

 

It started two and a half years before Raven walked down the aisle to meet Hank. At the time, their on-off relationship had hit an off period and despite her heartbreak, Raven refused to return to her partner. She had dragged Charles to a bar and proceeded to ply him with alcohol in the hopes that he wouldn’t complain about her smoking if he was drunk. The plan had worked spectacularly as he could barely remember her name, let alone his opinions on cigarettes and health. He had stumbled to the bartender, ready to purchase another drink to chug when his own plans for the evening had suddenly looked up.

“You, you’re very much like an exothermic reaction. You spread hotness everywhere.”

The man, staring straight at Charles, looked thoroughly unimpressed.

 “That is quite possibly the most pathetic line I have ever heard,” he replied after a moment, his accent giving an attractive lilt to his words. Charles leant on the bar for support, shifting his body closer to the man who sat on a stool and nursed a glass of amber fluid.

“But it _is_ all true. I’m a geneticist, you know. I know stuff.”

The other man snorted softly and took a swig from his glass. “That remains to be seen.”

“Well, you’re an awful dick, do you know that?”

“You wouldn’t be the first to mention it.”

“I’d imagine not.”

“How much have you had to drink?”

He shrugged before he cocked his head and thought about the question. Finally, he held up his hands and pinched two fingers together. “A little bit.”

“Right.”

“Would you care to buy me a little more?”

“Mr…?”

“Xavier. Charles Xavier.”

“You are aware that…sodomy is illegal in this fine country?”

“Oh, of course. Why on earth would you mention such a thing?”

The man had looked at him strangely, as if Charles had suddenly grown two extra heads. “I must have mistaken your shameless efforts to communicate with me for something stronger.”

“Well that was quite foolish of you, wasn’t it?” Charles watched the other man raise his eyebrows. “You see, sodomy’s a sin and in _my_ view those found participating in it should be hanged. I am generally very public with my opinions, as it’s only right to be, and as a result, I am usually the _last_ person anyone around _here_ would suspect of such a thing.”

“Your point, Xavier?”

“Merely that if you should decide to come home with me to explore the beautiful architecture of my residence, people will see the act of us leaving as exactly that,” he explained as his eyes shone and his face cracked open into a grin.

 “I thought I was a dick.”

“That may be so but you are also very pretty and I am very drunk,” Charles whispered, head bent close to his conversation partner’s own. “Come _now_.”

“Are you always this demanding?”

“Only when I’m desperate.”

* * *

 

They never touched. There were no lingering glances or secret smiles. To all observers, Erik Lehnsherr was Charles Xavier’s best friend. He had been and would be for some time to come. They shared passions for literature and the arts and could often be seen arguing over clashing opinions. Not one eyelash batted when Erik was seen to move into the mansion. The neighbours could see the perfectly sane logistics of the matter – Master Xavier would be lonely in that big and empty house with the loss of his sister and besides, the incidence of two bachelors living together was not at all unheard of.

Their care and attention to aloof details fooled most. _Most_.

“You’re being careful, aren’t you Charles?”

“Raven-”

“No, listen to me for a minute. You know I like Erik, I do.”

Charles stopped fiddling with the tie and waited quietly for her to continue, staring at her reflection in the mirror. As she was seated on the edge of his bed, her worried face hovered just over his shoulder.  

“I just… Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Raven. Erik and I are _friends_ ,” he replied with a light and casual tone he didn’t feel at all.

“I’m not a fool, Charles. That _blasé_ attitude you project onto everyone else might work with them but it doesn’t with me. I’m your sister, I know you and I know you’re attached. You don’t exactly do things simply. You know the laws, you know what they can do to you, please, please _be careful_.”

“Raven, you know I am.”

“I’m not just talking about someone finding out. You love him already, I know you do, but I’m not sure that’s a good thing. You couldn’t have chosen someone easier? More stable?”

“Would it shock you to learn that I’m not interested in those qualities?”

“Not at all. Just, just look after yourself. Don’t let him steal your heart.”

She stood then and left his bedroom without a glance back. He stared at his own tired face in the mirror. Sighing heavily, he picked up the ends of his tie and began the knot again.

“It might be a little late for that now.”

* * *

 

It was natural for Erik to blame himself when things went wrong. Charles didn’t know why he had expected this to be any different.

When the ambulance had arrived, Charles hadn’t told them that he couldn’t feel his legs. Instead he’d urged their attention onto Erik who sat unconscious beside him. Later, he’d woken up in hospital with some bruises and a strong headache but otherwise uninjured. Charles had needed surgery. He would never walk again.

That hurt but not as much as his discovery that Erik would never really look at him again.

* * *

 

The party is thrown to celebrate the year passed since the wedding. It’s his first technically public outing since _the accident_ and he doesn’t know half of the guests who greet him with condescending congratulations. The chair makes him feel naked. He’s not yet used to being half the level of everyone else.

He wondered where Erik had got off to. Two hours into the party, he wishes he hadn’t.

He heard Raven screeching from across the house and followed her voice to one of the first floor guest rooms. There she stood, clutching her growing stomach in one hand while the other flew about in the air as she continued to rant. It took Charles a few spins of his chair to see what had got her so irked. When he finally did, the amused smile fell off his face and he felt his head begin to pound.

By the bed, Erik stood shirtless and trouser buttons opened. On it was a woman he didn’t know, looking dishevelled but pleased.

Charles mumbled a few apologies before backing out of the room again, ignoring Raven’s calls.

* * *

 

Later when the sounds of the celebration had died away, Erik stood in his (their) bedroom and watched him as he sat atop the bed covers reading. Charles pulled his glasses off and set the book beside him on the bed.

“Hey,” he said, pushing a weak smile onto his face. “I wasn’t sure if you were actually still alive after, well, Raven. She seemed pretty mad.”

Erik stood stiller than Charles had ever seen him. “Furious would be a more accurate description.”

“I’m sorry, Erik, she had no right, I didn’t ask her-“

“She’s trying to protect you, Charles. You shouldn’t apologise for that.”

“She’s your friend too though. I don’t want either of you to lose that, no matter what you and I think of each other.”

A moment of silence passed. Charles looked at Erik’s face while he in turn stared down at his fully functioning feet.

“Things can’t go back to the way they were, Charles.”

“No. For some reason people appear to think that I don’t understand that. I’m not blind, Erik, just a little stupid. I’ve always been an idiot when it came to you. I thought that if I ignored it all, pretended we were still the same as before, everything would work its way out in the end. I wanted it to; I sincerely did with all of my heart. But even I noticed that you cannot bear to look at me since I ended up in that _stupid_ thing.”

It took Erik several seconds to react and when he did, it was through gritted teeth. “I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Either did I. But luckily for you, it’s not your problem. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. But I am _not;_ I have _never_ been and _never_ will be your obligation. I will never need _anything_ from you, particularly not your pity. I only wish you had had more respect for me and the _years_ we have spent together by leaving without ripping my heart out of my chest in front of our friends. You owed me that much.”

 “I owe you _nothing_.”

“Is that really how this goes? After years together you transform back into that scared and lonely young man who only had vengeance and hatred to live off?”

Erik looked up then and smiled slowly, his smirk showing off many of his teeth. “You haven’t changed me, Charles. You _cannot_ change me and it is naïve of you to think you can. I am still the same man you met though that description has never suited me.”

“Get out, Erik.”

“With pleasure.”

* * *

 

It took years for Charles to see Erik again. Eventually the man comes to him. Charles wheeled himself out into the hallway after the final day’s lesson and spotted him standing still amongst the racing students. His hat and coat have been out of fashion for decades and he doesn’t look very much different from the last time they’d been together.

Charles pushed himself until he rested in front of him, a small smile breaking onto his face.

“Hi,” he said, suddenly feeling younger than he had in a long time but sad too.

“Good afternoon, Professor.”

Charles resisted the urge to correct him and instead invited him to walk out on the grounds while they talked. Erik agreed with a slight tilt of his head and followed Charles’ lead.

“I never believed that you really would turn this place into a school.”

“Having faith always was your problem, Erik.”

“Perhaps.”

The come to a stop at the edge of the lawns, looking out at kids who have congregated on the grass for a game of soccer with goals marked by jumpers and “coaches” screaming at their teams from the side-lines.

“You have done a good job here, Charles,” said Erik, wincing as the shouting got louder when a goal was scored.

“It’s been my life since we opened it. I needed something to keep me going. What about you? I heard a rumour that you had children of your own.”

 “A boy and two girls. The banes of my existence.”

Charles ignored the heavy sarcasm and swallowed audibly. His eyes fluttered as he struggled to keep his smile on his face. “That’s wonderful, Erik. You must have been very proud.”

“Sometimes. You never found anyone to spend your years with?”

“I did, once. He just didn’t want to spend the rest of his with me.”

“Charles-”

“No, I’m glad he didn’t. He went off and had an amazing life which he always deserved. I’m happy for him.”

“Would you believe him if he told you he had regrets?”

“Not at all. The man I knew never regretted anything.”

“This, _this_ he might regret a little. I often wonder if I hadn’t been so selfish… It wasn’t right of me to leave, not like that at least.”

“It may shock you, Erik, but I _have_ been able to live without you. This place is my life. The students mean everything to me and they keep me young, on my toes or perhaps _wheels_. I attend at least three weddings a year, the most recent of which was between two brilliant men who met here as young boys. The world has come a long way since you and I and I’ve done my best to come with it even though my wheels may creak and my bones do ache.”

“You never needed me at all, Charles. This school of yours if just proof of that.”

“Ah but I wanted you. _Desperately_.”

There was silence between them again. Charles thought of nights spent on chess battles and drinking. “I never looked backwards when I left here, not physically at least. I had no idea what you’d set up until I recently took it upon myself to find you.”

 “Well in this instance we are dissimilar, Erik. It would appear that I cannot let go as easily as you for I have kept tabs on you for years.”

“Find out anything useful?”

“Not much recently, but I suppose that is to be expected. You’ve been dead twelve years after all.”

“It must please you to know that you outlived me.”

“That was a poor attempt at insult, old friend. Are you here to take me away?”

“Yes.”

“I always imagined I’d go out fighting in valiant but tragic circumstances. Yet here I am, bald and wrinkled and far past my use-by date.”

“Why Charles, am I hearing you complain about a quick and painless end to your pathetic existence?”

“I suppose I have nothing to complain about. I am fortunate enough to die in the company of people I love.”

“You’ve always been a fool.”

“And you’ve always brought out the worst in me. The best too. Is there no way you could come back in a couple hours? I have some affairs that really should be put in order.”

“Come _now_ , Charles.”

“Are you always this demanding?”

“Only when I’m desperate.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like/love/hate? Let me know why :)


End file.
